stop calling my apartment porn island.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
