Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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