I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
