This girl is more easily done than said...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
