ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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