i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I can't put those talents on a resume
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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