Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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