I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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