sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
