it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
