Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
