he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize