I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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