My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
