how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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