"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
