Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
