If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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