I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
