Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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