Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
