Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize