It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
