I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
