I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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