not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
