dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
