I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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