Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
