things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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