Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
