32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize