i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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