You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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