I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
