Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
