that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
