Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
