The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
