i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
