My hand turned me down
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize