Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
