There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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