you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
How naked do you want me to be?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
