So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
