i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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