I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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