I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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