party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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