Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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