If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
