names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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