woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
