why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
