I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
