i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
