We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
that's an acceptable place to lick
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
