Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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