I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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