Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
