Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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