3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
