Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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