Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Drunk is not a location!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
