because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
