Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just tell him i said nine months
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
