my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
