I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
