Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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