Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
