So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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