she was so not down for the gang bang
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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