Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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