He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
