wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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