Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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