official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize