Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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