Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
