Say something about gay babies.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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