Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
