Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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