If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
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