Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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