My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
