Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize